forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize