pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
