She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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