Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
