Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
