were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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