Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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