i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
