I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
