i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
