Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
