I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
