I heard we made out
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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