My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
