My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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