how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize