pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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