The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
