Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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