Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
