last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
