I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
