Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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