I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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