I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
