Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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