this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
