if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
