this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
