He is an equal opportunity slut.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
