First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
