Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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