just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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