I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
