her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
