By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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