Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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