I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize