Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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