id be glad to
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
