my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
