Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize