Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
