she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
