I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
