You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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