the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
