i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
