Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize