ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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