My first STD was from a foam party
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
