HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
