i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
