I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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