I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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