all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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