I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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