her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
