Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
