On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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