we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
