The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
