i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
