I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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